AWFUL BEAUTIFUL RE-ACTIONS

It was a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon I had just finished from church but needed to drink something to quench my thirst. I walked into a restaurant close by and ordered a glass of Chapman. Seated and sipping on my drink while going through my phone smiling sheepishly at the photos on Facebook, I heard someone say hello beautiful.  

I quickly raised my head to see who it was and before I could say jack, he grabbed a chair and sat down facing me smiling. What caught my eyes was his beautiful dentition, bald head and bearded face (I'm not a fan of beards by the way) lol.

We got talking and the conversation was smooth and beautiful. We covered a  range of topics from religion to politics, education to family etc. Intelligent and well rounded guy I must say. At some point, he offered to buy me food and top up my glass but, I politely declined. Independent woman things he exclaimed and we both laughed. 

I liked him instantly but my thoughts drifted to something else.

I'm pressed and in need of the bathroom. I didn't know what to do. Should I get up or just let him leave before going to the bathroom? 

What will his re-actions be when I get up? Does he know I have a disability? Did he see when I walked into the restaurant? Will he walk away like others in disappointment?

Is this it? I hate being in this situation because I'm always at war with my thoughts. 

Let me digress. 

You see, I have encountered a lot of guys like my bearded friend who at first are interested in me but have had to re-frame the moment they notice my disability. I think the re-actions will be different if I'm on a wheelchair or use any walking aid however, it is a different scenario if they already know about my disability. 

I won't blame the men and women I come in contact with for re-acting the way they did. They do not know because if they did, they will not be so shocked in their expressions. Disability is not yet common place in our society. People do not think it is common place for a beautiful, intelligent and assertive lady like me would have a disability. My type is not what people are used to seeing everyday. 

The norm is to see women, men and children with disabilities on the streets begging for alms looking haggard. It is not so common place to see an intelligent lady with class in a restaurant having a good time neither is is common place to see professionals living with disabilities working in government establishments or private parastatals, lecturing, in movies, runing a successful business etc. The narratives representing persons with disabilities are always in the negative and this stories projected often always affect the perception of individuals and the way they see disabled people.

Don't get me wrong, I am a very confident lady. I don't have self-esteem issues but when certain event play out regularly, you can't help but feel a type of way. I hope you understand?

Back to my story, I summoned the courage to go to the bathroom. I excused myself, took a few steps and turned to see his re-actions. His eyes were wide open, mouth agape staring at me in utter surprise and confusion. I paused, smiled and walked back to the table looked into his eyes and said "this is another kind of beautiful" and walked away.

When I came back, he was quite very quite and didn't know what to say to me. I held his hand and  told him I'm human first just like everyone else before my imperfections. I hope he took something out of the encounter. 

I get a lot of re-actions from people that know and do not know me personally depending on the occasion. Sometimes, the re-actions I get can be emotional, painful, embarrassing, negative, positive and for lack of a better word, depressing.

We are all like a package sometimes beautiful on the outside but not sure what's inside until we are opened up. Other times, rough and dented on the outside but with so much goodness inside. You never really know what you get until the process of unraveling is followed. The beauty is often in the process. 

If you struggle with your visible imperfections like me, don't sweat it. Everyone is got something in their body (visible or invisible) they are not comfortable with. If someone loves you enough to be with you, they will be with you regardless. 

  

I always choose to see the funny side of things and I want you to see things that way too.  

Love, hugs & peace.