Child abuse is real. I comes in various forms, happens in different corners of our environment. It is a crime perpetrated by people who you think should know better. The educated, ignorant, old and young. Often times, these people are very familiar to us, they are respected, trusted and most-times, authority figures in their victims lives.
The kind of abuse children go through varies..... Sexual, verbal, mental, physical, psychological etc. The most commonly talked about of all abuses children have to endure and go through just happens to be sexual abuse.
I was never sexually abused as a child but, I was 'verbally' abused and this created a huge vacuum in my life. The abuse mostly came from adult neighbors, children at school and even in church. How sad!
With all the words came pictures forming in my head. Pictures of self pity, ugly, good-for-nothing, worthless, unwanted, unintelligent .............. I never looked good enough in my eyes I was broken, terrified and scared of facing life.
For years I will put on a fake smile and pretend to be okay. The words still hurt and everyday, I create and piece together a mental picture of everything that was said to me. I was badly damaged. I didn't know with whom to share my feelings with. I needed surgery. Surgery in my mind and soul ...... a reconstructive kind of surgery. The kind that only words can put back together.
I prayed, longed and wished for a day to come; a day when someone would tell me that nothing is wrong with me... that I can be anything I want to be regardless..... that I am beautiful, lovable and free to live among other people....... that it is okay to be different because difference is good....... And it came .... it came right on time .... it came after a suicide attempt .... it would have arrived a bit late but it came and it came from the best person it could only have come from. A word from a father .... MY FATHER.
You see, my father has been around and still is a huge part of my life but, while I went through those dark pages in my life, he was so close yet so far away. He saw me everyday just like every parent see their children. He even gave me hugs and kisses, gifts and all BUT! he never saw my heart.
Most times, children feel like adults around them could automatically read their minds and know what's going on in there. Children yearn for a heart-to-heart conversation with authority figures in their lives but hold a lot in for fear of being shut down. Children just want to talk (that's what they do anyway), trust and have a conversation with someone that can win their confidence hmmmm sadly, not many kids from my generation had that luxury.
Child abusers of any sort do not think of what could go wrong with their victim. What if they crumble, what if they pulled a razor to their skin and self destruct, what if they are pushed too far and they STOPPED!!! In my opinion, mental and psychological abuse is more serious than physical or any other kind of abuse because it is not visible to the onlooker, it is difficult to comprehend and explain. It messes up the individuals perception on life and creates a huge vacuum.
I can't really put my finger to what goes on in the mind of child abusers. Do they thing it's fun? Do they see their victims as losers? Don't they just realise that everyone can't be like them and just appreciate uniqueness and deference? Don't they realise that it is actually okay for individuals to be their self and not have to be like them?
Abusers ..... child abusers are cowards!. Some adults you see still carry ugly memories and baggage from their childhood around today. Childhood memories are supposed to be fun memories to relieve not torture.
The conversation I had with my father that beautiful Saturday 'Environmental sanitation morning' Somewhere in Ojoto Street, in Diobu Port-Harcourt changed my life. My father spoke life back in to me and I have never looked back.
Armed with powerful words, his words successfully repainted the ugly pictures of myself I had in my head. I stand today stronger, better and ready to take my world. My abusers have no power over me anymore you know why? Their pictures have been replaced with positivity, a father's blessing and secured with God's word and unfailing promises.
I am not a victim anymore neither am I terrified because I now know better, I have taken back the authority and am in full control.
What is your story? Are you an abuse survivor? Do you want to share your story? If you are willing to share please send me an email: talk2sharonn@gmail.com We can have your story published anonymously if you want.
Don't forget to live your thoughts in the comment section.
Sharonxxx
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