PARENTING TEENS WITH DISABILITY

Parenting a child with disability requires special consideration and attention at every stage of life – from infancy through childhood, adolescence and even into adulthood. It is always a challenge for parents to strike a balance between providing all round support, care and fostering independence for their child. To give children with hearing impairment, autism, visual impairment, paralysis, cerebral palsy etc. a comfortable life, parents should critically learn, analyse and study how their child’s development and response differs from children without disabilities.    

It is difficult on a normal day to look after another individual talk less of one with any form of disability. Parents especially mums are sent into a long spiral period of grief and confusion when they get told by a doctor that their child has a disability. From the moment the child is diagnosed, parents begin to worry on how they will begin to care for their child. At every stage of the child’s life, it will appear like you are starting to learn and rediscover your child again.

Teenage hood brings with it added pressure as a lot of parents are confused on how to better handle their child at this stage. It is also difficult for the child because this stage is very key in the development process of the child as he/she want to find themselves and become their own individual without the constant presence and interference of their parents. At this stage, teenagers with disability question everything going on in their body. They want to know why they are different, feel different, look different and behave differently from kids their age. Remember, the brain of teenager’s process information differently from when they were kids so it is a constant battle trying to find themselves.

Disability significantly impact on teenager’s emotional, psychological, physical and mental well-being because disability in itself carry a lot of social stigma that manifest into behavioral issues, low self-esteem and depression.

When these signs begin to manifest in a teenager with disability, parents begin to feel like they haven’t done enough. The sadness, pain and grief parents felt when they first got diagnosed will turn in to bitterness if care is not taken. Parents also at this stage will begin to feel bitter towards friends and family because they feel the support and encouragement they get is not enough. The feeling that no one understands or can relate to your child’s struggle will only result to your own isolation and compounded grief. This really should not be so because if everyone is properly educated on the needs of your child, there is every tendency that they will show more care, support and empathy.

Here are a few things to do to help your child with disability;

Get a diagnosis: As a parent, you need to go beyond what one doctor says to properly understand your child’s problem (Get multiple diagnosis). With this knowledge, help make your child understand their situation, what their challenges will be and how to work through them. Talk to your child about how they feel being in this situation and what they think about their disability. Be careful not to let religion ruin everything. Negative prediction are not just dangerous, they can slow down early diagnosis and intervention.

Be supportive: Don’t just be supportive, be positive. Make your child understand that you are there to help, and will continue to support and care for them. Don’t play the pity party game you will only come across as not being sincere and genuine.

Get Professional help: not all disabilities will require specialist treatment or constant medication but all disabilities will require attention. Go professionals to attend to your child from time to time to help you access your child’s progress. Whilst you are at it, read books, research and document your child’s growth because you are his/her most valued therapist. Don’t forget to take your child with you to every appointment. Get he/she involved in their own treatment.

Take baby steps together: The progress you desire in your child’s development will not happen overnight. It will require baby steps remember, it is your baby we are talking about here and you both are in this together so you have to work as a team to reach desired goals. Let me tell you something, sometimes it can be really hard to get through to your child but DO NOT give up. You won’t just blink your eyes and be there, you will have to make conscious decisions that will help you realise your goals. Don’t feel less effective and inadequate when tasks are not completed rather, device a new strategy. Do not treat your child differently from other kids, give them chores at home to complete but at their pace also, sometimes guide them through. Show love and care NOT pity and don’t forget to be on the same page with your partner when you discipline your child. Take control of the situation don’t let the situation take control of you.

Get others involved: You cannot do this alone therefore, the earlier you get others involved the better for you. By others, I mean trusted family and friends. There must be someone your child will be fond of, a person he/she will listen to that can help you get the message across. If he/she has siblings, make sure they are properly educated on the needs of their sibling to help them better support, protect and care for him/her and most importantly, the bond will become stronger. Interact with other parents with special needs children who have same or similar disability to your child and don’t forget to communicate your child’s special needs to his/her classroom teacher. There is no shame in telling. Network, share ideas, talk to each other and show love and support for each other.

Your child is not alone: When parenting your teen living with any form of disability Remember, your child is not alone and neither are you. There are millions of people going through the same issue as your family. The joy of it all is that there are also thousands of information, resources, books, support groups as well as help out there to help both you and your child cope, navigate and deal with the situation. Reach out and make adequate use of the information’s and support, being alone will only worsen things for both of you. Always keep in mind that you want to build independence and remember you won’t always be around for your child.

Pray: while you are doing all you can to support and help your child lead an independent life, PRAY as nothing can take the place of prayer. Prayer alone can help get you through the overwhelmingly difficult days when your strength starts to fail and you feel like giving up. God still does miracles He is a miracle worker.

NOTE: This article is written on a general note for parents with children living with disabilities. However, are and attention should be paid to the individual depending on the type of disability they have as some cases are more severe than others. Find what works for you and your child and the best way to work with them. Embrace your child no matter the type of disability they live with.