THOU SHALL NOT PITY ME.....

Hey people, today I want to talk about the word "Pity". In today's world people often look for opportunities to show the world how moral, compassionate and tenderhearted they can be. you don't have to have a physical disability to be felt sorry for. in fact "pity" according to dictionary.com is defined as "Sympathethic or kindly sorrow evocked by the suffering, distress or misfortune of another, often leading one to give relief or aid or to show mercy".

Last year summer I visited home from the UK to carry out research for my final project in school and of course to see my family members whom I have not seen in almost three years. My older sister got married while I was away so I was excited to meet and bound with my new in-law.  He came to the airport to pick me up with my sister and they took me straight to their house so the bounding can begin......... hmmmmm without seeing my papa and mama oooo? see me see kidnaping hehehe.....
 He was overly nice and welcoming when we got to the house. He made sure I had something to eat, a hot bath and a well made mattress to lay on in their spare bedroom. while in my new bedroom, my sis walked in and we started the sister gossip lol....
Me: Your hubby is such a gentleman I told my sister.
Sis: Yes oo he is but there is something else you want to say abi? oya spill
Me: noooo nothing
Sis: I know you tell me about it
Me: Ok it's the look. you know I don't like that look it makes me very uncomfortable.
Sis: What look?
Me: The "pity" Look
Sis: He doesn't pity you. how can you say such a thing? it is still very early to start thinking that way naaa
Me: Ok naaa we shall see......... and we talked over other things.......

Meanwhile, within me I knew I was right. I have met a lot of people in my life and I can tell when someone is pitying  for me. so I kept my fingers crossed and watched him keenly. Fast Forward two days later, I was in the kitchen preparing dinner when I noticed him looking at me again "the pity" of course he was trying to figure out how I get to do the things I do. he even told my sister not to let me do anything in the house heheheh see tori ooo......  It was his first time being that close to a disabled person while I understand that, I still felt I should talk to him about the way I feel and to make him more relaxed around me because everything is fine. I will ask for help if I needed one.

So na so I come call am for cona after dinner hehehe to start "that" awkward conversation with him. let's just call him Mr A.
Me: I will be living for our house tomorrow morning
Mr A: Why? we have not even talked
Me: Yes but I think there is plenty of time to do that am not going back to the UK tomorrow am I?
Mr A. No but you can't just leave you have not rested enough
Me: I have. I need to spend more time with my parents and other siblings
Mr A. but they were here to see you naaa you have seen everyone. Ify something is wrong you don't like me            abi?
Me: Yes I don't like you. (His eyes and mouth wide open)
Mr A. I think it is too early not like me..... by now calling on his wife to come..
Me: I will like and love you if only you STOP PITYING FOR ME........!!!!
Mr A. am very sorry (heads down) please forgive me. your sister warned me. I am only surprised at the rate            and speed with which you do things....... it is a good surprise tho..... am such an idiot...
Me; It's fine give me a hug.... we hugged and I stayed.... lol and that was when the bonding really started.

It is ok to have empathy for someone going through stuff, but not pity or sympathy. For me pity beclouds the mind of individuals, pity makes you not to see the individual for who they really are, their personalities, abilities and potentials (especially if they have a disability). It is fine to momentarily feel sorry for someone but, don't let that override your sense of reasoning because there is more to that individual than their situation.
   WALLOWING IN SELF PITY?

• Start by accepting and yourself and the situation. make the most of it. Don't tolerate pity.
• Start taking responsibility. afterall, live is choice driven so is happiness. take the driver seat...
• Have a party with your friends and loved ones...... it's ok to get the music loud sometimes
• Be the best you can be around people...... remember, you are what you attract. 

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven"  _ John Milton.

 Stop the pity party........ today....   Please feel free to share your experiences.
Sharon xxx....